she continues

in the 9 days since i moved to manhattan:

i met a girl who has nothing in her apartment but a bottle of wine and an empty carton of cigarettes. we laughed about it mostly, and spent the rest of the afternoon finishing the bottle and reading about the top 75 brunch places in nyc. none of which we could afford.

went to a whiskey shop and asked for rum. he could have very well curled his lip and scoffed and walked away to fiddle with his turntable. instead he made me taste shots of whiskey out of dixie cups until i conceded that there are whiskeys that go down as easy as sweet rum and land a girl with the same degree of headache in the morning.

went to a party in brooklyn and met a couple who may never know this, but in the 15 minutes we walked together down jefferson, realized we passed our train stop, walked five minutes back, and rode the subway to williamsburg, put me at peace in such a way that i couldn't even bring myself to read faulkner the rest of the ride back to manhattan. that's the beauty of strangers.

walked down madison ave to the M15 and came to the conclusion that it christmas' fault that i've fallen in love with new york. it's the christmas lights. (or 'twinkly lights' if you hale from chicago. or bloomington illinois.) they make everything attractive. on your next first date, cocoon your dining room with christmas lights and i promise you he'll think your uma thurman. if you have a dining room, that is. which, if you're also in new york, you probably don't. which is ok, because right now you can't walk anywhere in this city and escape the soft glow of white lights. manhattan gets done up right. and we all benefit.

i haven't had any pizza. i'm afraid. what if someone asks me how it was? that's like going to a wine tasting in napa and being asked to describe the tannins and finish on the back of your tongue. the back of your tongue, mind you. that's where it counts. and all that comes out of my mouth is, 'it's quite violaceous.' and i get kicked out. what if i get it wrong? i refuse to try any pizza until accompanied by edward burns to guide me. mostly because i would accompany edward burns anywhere.

i gave someone directions. that's right. someone asked me directions, and i knew the answer. welcome to new york!

social networking = alexander the great

the great take-over.

a friend i know posted this on her facebook :
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven

and her friend responded:
interesting how its the posture towards and not the possession of righteousness...



i felt a rush of peace. i thought, how strange to be inspired by a serendipitous social networking connection?



and now i'm thinking, my what a long time it's been since i wrote on here...

post script

*i'll be with my family soon*



images that remind me of them

in realizing you're not frightened

O ME! O life!... of the questions of these recurring;
Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;
Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;
Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.
That you are here—that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse
- Walt Whitman






things i wish i recently found:
1. my ipod. %#@$*.
2. a job.
3. the little heart shaped cardboard box mallory gave me.
4. an easy recipe for cheese enchiladas.
5. money in my trouser pocket.
6. the irritating human being who superimposed obama's face on the classic norman rockwell 'freedom of speech' painting so i can give them a good talking to. give me a break people. don't mess with important art.
7. a previously undiscovered nook or cranny in my suitcases to fit all of this stuff that has materialized...
8. a reason not to leave. or rather, a means to stay.
9. a hidden artistic talent i never knew i had.
10. a surprise travel companion.
11. a treasure map to the sea. i need the ocean.

i recently found:

1. i love to cook even when the onions make me cry
2. sometimes i have to stop what i'm doing just to write
3, i would rather be held than kissed
4. i'm only a perfectionist when i'm cooking
5. i would be happy in a cardboard box if i could have new flowers every morning
6. i would like to live in san francisco
7. my favorite sound in the world is a guitar being tuned
8. when babies fall asleep in your arms, you start to remember that life is simply good
9. i'd like to be the kind of quirky girl who says she'd rather a bouquet of balloons than flowers. but as mentioned before, flowers float my boat. and i'm scared of balloons...
10. i love the earth and all its friends, but when it comes to hot showers i am an environmental thief
11. and this written on the back of a 'to do' list:

had some time to think about you
bundled from up there in ribbons and bows
putting pink polish on your nails you feel like a girl
are you going to the ocean with those flowers in your hair
wearing sylvia plath on your back and your toes in the grass

throwing punches from where you stood on a chair
oh mice and little boys and the way they stare
you sing of flowers and lace and curls
but you are not a young lady and you don't look like you're adored
despite your rouge and red wine lips and french bottle of kiss

you don't have me fooled in your ballerina shoes
princesses don't have to pretend so hard
you shouldn't keep secrets that you don't know
we'll meet again down the road, you less traveled than you hoped
and i would like to have forgotten you and your ink pens and notepaper

i don't remember doing that. ten points if i can remember what it's about...

t minus 10 musings and counting

i've written four journal entries and haven't taken a single picture.

Kristen: well this is your home. when you live somewhere you don't really take pictures of your bedroom.



i decided last week that my heart is in rwanda. i've loved it since the first time i saw it. i might say i'm more at home in rwanda than even in uganda. mukono has become familiar in a way that i love and that makes my cheeks blush. but rwanda. i feel rwanda in my skin. i feel comfortable in kigali in a way i rarely feel comfortable. ever. yeah, it may have something to do with rwanda driving on the right side of the road. but somewhere beyond that, i'm content. i'm content surrounded by its hills and cool weather and community. content in a way i've always been looking for. rwanda makes me happy. plain and simple. i think i want to live there. i think i will.

if you'll come with me.

here we go a rwanda-ing

i have folgers coffee. do you believe it? phil had a visitor from the states and surprised me by asking her to bring me some folgers. it's the best part of waking up.

the kiddies and i are off to rwanda tomorrow morning. rwanda round three. i love that place. more than most places in the whole world. but i'm tired. yesterday i went and took a nap through my lunch break and when i came stumbling back out into the daytime i found phil stumbling out of his dorm too.

- did you just take a nap?
- yeah.
- me too!
- oh geez.

it's coming to an end and we feel it. what an incredible year i've had!

i don't want to live anywhere else.

but i'm ready. ready to be surrounded by favorite faces. and favorite highways. and my favorite chicken soup my mom makes.