the clean sweep

i am currectly existing on udon noodle soup. multiple times a week, after work, after a late afternoon of errand running, delivered to my door while spring cleaning. i have walked up and down this fair new city and sampled its udon noodle soups along the way.

there are some things that just become part of a place. records and band of horses are owned by nashville. laura marling and fried dumplings are all san francisco. and from now on, udon noodle soup will be new york. and probably the smell of cedar oil. but that's another story.

other non-dietary lifestyle changes have occurred in the past few weeks as well. change one: no more subway. transport. not long sandwiches. those haven't been a part of my life since their weekly appearance during my 8 year old ballet days. and on the occasional roadtrip when my mother is there and her vote counts as two.

i've stopped taking the subway and started taking the bus. or walking. it's almost weird what a difference it's made. i've always hated subways for their cramped darkness anyway. you exchange that for an above ground experience, seeing faces, feeling sunshine, being able to escape if calamity strikes... yes, that's an important factor for me. one's sense of participation with the world is magnified ten fold when you're on a bus. and you don't have to smell as many armpits.

on to lifestyle change number 2. no headphones. that's right. no headphones. to know me well is to know me saying, "WHAT? I DIDN'T HEAR YOU, I HAVE HEADPHONES ON." i treasure my aircraft qualified sound-minimizing headphones like any well trained pilot. kings of leon from 22nd to 59th. van morrison crosstown on the M72. paul simon while perusing anthroplogie. ah, to live life with a soundtrack. and a complete unawareness of the goings on around you...

embarrassingly, this has been an epic sacrifice. miraculously, it has yielded epic return. in 3 weeks i have had more conversations and learned more names than in the combined 3 months preceding them. it's as if i'm being introduced to the city for the first time. and what a lovely city she is! and getting warmer by the day. in fact, i almost bought an ice cream cone the other day! but as my hands were full with take-out bags of udon noodle soup, i had to pass. a girl's gotta know her priorities...

a wednesday farewell quote:

"What's the point of being a writer or an artist anyway? Herman Melville wrote f*****g Moby Dick, and he was so poor and forgotten by the time he died that in his obituary, they called him Henry Melville. You know? I mean, why bother? They're just gonna forget our f*****g names anyway."

"Your Herman Melville story, that's bull****."

"It's true! They called him Henry."

"No, I mean he wrote a 700-page allegorical novel about the whaling industry. I think he was a pretty passionate guy, Joel. I hope they call me Henry when I die, too."

"Yeah, one can only hope."
-Adventureland

the happy kind

everything is making me cry today. the raging hormones of the
christmas spirit. on the bus this morning, i greeted my driver with a
smile and a good morning. this is something i learned from san
francisco. those folks know how to honor their bus drivers. i sat by
the window and waited and waited to drive away and realized we weren't
driving. when i looked up, i saw we were waiting for an elderly man
at the door to scrounge together $2.25 to ride. before i had even
taken stock of the situation, at least three ladies and gentlemen on
the bus opened up their wallets and started pulling out quarters and
bills. "do you have it all? here, do you need another one?" by the
time the flurry of fingerless gloves had ceased, the man was handing
back coins as he had received too many. our bus driver said thank you
over the intercom. i was overwhelmed. i looked out the window and nearly
cried a little.

at which point, we stopped at the next red light and
there across the street was a mother standing with her very small
child at a construction site. the men in their hard hats and
florescent vests had stopped their work and were knelt around the boy,
showing him the rebar and explaining their task with smiles on their
faces. just a simple moment of strangers sharing the wonder of work
with a small boy. when i got up to leave the bus and walk the
remaining blocks down central park, i paused at the door and offered a
"merry christmas!" to the bus driver. he couldn't believe it. he took
my hand and said, "oh my! thank you dear. Merry Christmas!"

i wanted to be disappointed. does no one say merry christmas anymore?
are we so used to the holiday that we blush when someone actually says
the word christmas?

but no. i had to remember that i had already seen two
other merry christmases that morning. in the form of kindness and
quarters. and then, at my desk, i got an electronic holiday card from
a former colleague in korea. a giant image of a manger snow globe
with red lettering that shouted, MAY THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD SHINE ON YOU
THIS SEASON. and below it, "for there is born to you this day in the
city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."

that's three good cries before 11 am. three good cries. because good
is all around us. all thanks to christmas morning.

merry happy

she continues

in the 9 days since i moved to manhattan:

i met a girl who has nothing in her apartment but a bottle of wine and an empty carton of cigarettes. we laughed about it mostly, and spent the rest of the afternoon finishing the bottle and reading about the top 75 brunch places in nyc. none of which we could afford.

went to a whiskey shop and asked for rum. he could have very well curled his lip and scoffed and walked away to fiddle with his turntable. instead he made me taste shots of whiskey out of dixie cups until i conceded that there are whiskeys that go down as easy as sweet rum and land a girl with the same degree of headache in the morning.

went to a party in brooklyn and met a couple who may never know this, but in the 15 minutes we walked together down jefferson, realized we passed our train stop, walked five minutes back, and rode the subway to williamsburg, put me at peace in such a way that i couldn't even bring myself to read faulkner the rest of the ride back to manhattan. that's the beauty of strangers.

walked down madison ave to the M15 and came to the conclusion that it christmas' fault that i've fallen in love with new york. it's the christmas lights. (or 'twinkly lights' if you hale from chicago. or bloomington illinois.) they make everything attractive. on your next first date, cocoon your dining room with christmas lights and i promise you he'll think your uma thurman. if you have a dining room, that is. which, if you're also in new york, you probably don't. which is ok, because right now you can't walk anywhere in this city and escape the soft glow of white lights. manhattan gets done up right. and we all benefit.

i haven't had any pizza. i'm afraid. what if someone asks me how it was? that's like going to a wine tasting in napa and being asked to describe the tannins and finish on the back of your tongue. the back of your tongue, mind you. that's where it counts. and all that comes out of my mouth is, 'it's quite violaceous.' and i get kicked out. what if i get it wrong? i refuse to try any pizza until accompanied by edward burns to guide me. mostly because i would accompany edward burns anywhere.

i gave someone directions. that's right. someone asked me directions, and i knew the answer. welcome to new york!

social networking = alexander the great

the great take-over.

a friend i know posted this on her facebook :
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven

and her friend responded:
interesting how its the posture towards and not the possession of righteousness...



i felt a rush of peace. i thought, how strange to be inspired by a serendipitous social networking connection?



and now i'm thinking, my what a long time it's been since i wrote on here...

post script

*i'll be with my family soon*



images that remind me of them

in realizing you're not frightened

O ME! O life!... of the questions of these recurring;
Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;
Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;
Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.
That you are here—that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse
- Walt Whitman






things i wish i recently found:
1. my ipod. %#@$*.
2. a job.
3. the little heart shaped cardboard box mallory gave me.
4. an easy recipe for cheese enchiladas.
5. money in my trouser pocket.
6. the irritating human being who superimposed obama's face on the classic norman rockwell 'freedom of speech' painting so i can give them a good talking to. give me a break people. don't mess with important art.
7. a previously undiscovered nook or cranny in my suitcases to fit all of this stuff that has materialized...
8. a reason not to leave. or rather, a means to stay.
9. a hidden artistic talent i never knew i had.
10. a surprise travel companion.
11. a treasure map to the sea. i need the ocean.