i'm sick these days. a chesty, feverish, sneezing, coughing, nose-blowing kind of sick. it's pretty much par for the course at this point. stress, sleeplessness and an unwillingness to take a day off will usually knock you off your feet at some point.
other than that, i don't have too much to say today. maybe it's because the sloshing in my head has me thinking slower. i will say this: i love my job and i love this place. but i can say with utter certainty that this would be a nearly impossible position to hold for longer than a year and it makes me admire my boss and this office staff all the more. how on earth would you survive taking 30 or so lovely and dynamic people in your arms for 4 months only to let them go into the great unknown and have a whole new group come in to love and invest in before, yet again, having them taken from you? or maybe i just know myself well enough to know that i couldn't survive like that. it's only been about 3 and a half weeks since the students got here and i'm already madly in love with all of them. and i don't think it's natural to fall in and out of love so often.
on a car ride at 1 in the morning, someone once said,
i do believe that the community of humanity has the singular purpose of existing for each other. for other people and their joy and survival. and if you're not existing for someone else, then you're just... existing.
in the clarity of daylight, i can see the potential melodrama of a statement like that. however, i don't think the concept is false. man was not meant to be left alone. and for those of us who have gotten accustom to running away from home, i think we each have a moment when we look up into the sky over yet another temporary world wide travel destination and say,
when do i get to claim a community of my own? when do i get an apartment whose walls i can paint and a neighbor who shouts at his dog? when do i get a diner down the street and a church with a steeple?
and although i don't regret for a moment where i am now, i have started to wonder, when will i finally be content sitting still?
and do you know what makes that question so difficult to answer? it's that everywhere i go, i see a glimpse contentment there. i find a hill with a shady tree where i can watch the sun set. i find a coffee shop with free wireless internet and delicious monkey bread. i find a friend who can make me laugh or even let me cry. i find Grace. and Joy. and i learn a few more chords on the guitar. for me it has never come down to choosing between devils and angels. it's always come down to plane tickets and restlessness. and while the beginnings are exciting, the endings are just a bunch of goodbyes. i don't know when i'll be content sitting still. but i do know that i'm tired of saying goodbye.
4 comments:
i'm the exact same about saying goodbye. it makes me almost not want to get attached to new people because i dread so much saying goodbye to them.
annie, i miss you. i can't wait until i see you again. i think about you all the time, and i pray for you daily! love you!!!
Hi sugar...I'm jsut testing this thing so Nana can send a message...hopefully!
annabelle!!! when you come to nashville you will never have to say goodbye again :) okay, that may just be wishful thinking ... but do come back! there are plenty of barking dogs and coffee shops and the tallest steeples you've ever seen!!
love you. covering you always.
Dearest Annie: Hopefully, third time will be a charm and you will recieive this. Well Darlin, I am so enjoying all your blogs. You are so good at sharing and letting us see what it is like where you are.
You like quotes so here is one for you: "When you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain". Remember toots, for most goodbye's there is a connection you have made with someone. I felt that way after traveling and saying goodbye to good friends every two years. And, I did say, at one time, I am not going to get involved then I won't mind leaving so much. well, luckily that didn't last long - I b egan to see the hurt meant I had made a connection there - if leaving is easy - what are you leaving behind. anyway, enough - I do know exactly how you feel about that so wanted to share my experience with you. I so hope you are feeling better toots. Please take care. One more quote for the road: "When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy" (and vice versa!!) I love you very much, Nana (and I approve this message!!)
Post a Comment