fly the ocean in a silver plane

i never walk barefoot outside here because people tell me not to get strange bugs in my feet. but today i did it anyway. and i'd forgotten how human it feels to have warm grass underneath your feet. sometimes we'll do whatever we can to feel human. sometimes it involves tears or traveling or cigarettes or waking up with strangers. sometimes you just need to be able to hear traffic outside your window. but today it just took standing in warm grass with my bare toes.

i think in the world we live in right now, we need all the help we can get to feel human. i wish all it took was standing in the sun. but sunshine, however lovely, can't love you back. it can't heal your heart and it can't heal your diseases. it can give you a sunburn though. maybe that helps us feel human too sometimes. a little bit of pain.

not to mention, standing in the sun alone is still just you standing. as human as it feels to know the earth, there is a point when humans need to know each other. what a face looks like close up. what entree to share. someone to tell you when you're lying. someone to put aloe where you can't reach the sunburn between your shoulders. people need people. and no i'm not quoting barbara streisand. yuck.

i heard a quote yesterday that says 'love is what you do.' there was a second half to it. something comparative. like 'and life is what you live.' or 'not what you are.' something like that. but i don't remember. if i were to finish that quote though, i would say 'love is what you do, not just what you think about doing.' and i've thought about doing for so long that i'm afraid i've forgotten what it means to actually do. because love takes sacrifice. and i don't want to be a coward.

"I am happy to report that in the war between reality and romance, reality is not the stronger." - john steinbeck
i hope so john. i'm counting on it.